so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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