My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
