Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
