Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
