Apparently you make a good broom.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
