Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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