im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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