in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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