I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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