Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
