What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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