sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
