my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
