2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
