take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
