Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
