Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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