i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
