...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My cat gives me a boner
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
