well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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