new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
