Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
