Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Damn victory sex feels great
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
