fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize