I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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