3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
