sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
