So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
