I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
