fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
