I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
