if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
organizing the empties. That sober.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
