you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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