I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
