So drunk its hurt
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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