You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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