Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
