if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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