It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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