it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
