what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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