Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He better not be in your backpack
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
