I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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