if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And then he peed in my hair
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