Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
