I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
