If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
