I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
