Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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