I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize