my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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