my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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