im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
