I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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