I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
