Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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