To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize