Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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