YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
