i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
