You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
