Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
