Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
