I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
