Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
