Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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