3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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