Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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